Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Maraste

I'm not a NERD.
I just don't want to work at MCDONALDS
when I'm older.
------
Teacher; take off that jacket NOW!!
they are against the rules.
Me; OMG, I am so sorry! is anyone hurt? no? ok.. I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket...off my torso...and slowly freeze to death...
Me; but miss, why are you wearing a jacket ?
teacher: because-

me: EVERYONE GET DOWN SHE'S GOT A JACKET !
*class gets down and screams in fear*

------
Periods late..
//..Haven't had sex..
i must be carrying the next baby Jesus.
------
♥ Can you like;
   i dont know
Go die or some thing?
------
I Wanted to Send You Something Sexy Today, but the Mail Man told me to get out the Mail Box.
------
WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?
ID DO YOU ;D
------
Who would you screw for a Klondike bar?
------
student: hey can I-
teacher: no. ok so you have to multiply...
the class clown has no chance.
------
Me: So, what's the situation?
My mom: Isn't he some guy on that dumb T.V. show you watch?

------
It's almost like you had it planned
like you smiled and shook my hand
and said
"I'm about to screw you over"
------
Me: I was looking at a box of girl scout cookies on my kitchen counter this morning, and thought of you.
Him: No. You saw the box of cookies, but you were already thinking of me.
Me (in my head): Of course I was, too bad you dont know you are right...
------
"Hi, I'm Justin Bieber.
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you'll ever be able to
just by looking at her."
~jbiebz

------
Your on my list of:
THINGS TO DO ;D
------
Roses are red, nuts are brown
[skirts go up, pants go down ]
Body to body, Skin to skin
When it is stiff stick it in
the longer its in, the stronger it gets
it goes in dry, comes out wet
it comes out dripping and it starts to sag
it's not what you think
its a teabag
------
IM26C4U
------
"friends are like bras, close to you heart and always there for support"?
Now that i think about it... My bra
>>>has stabbed me in the back before<<<<
------
Kid: Mom, can I wear a mini-skirt today?
Mom: No!
Kid: Can I wear lipstick?
Mom: No!
Kid: Can I wear high heels?
Mom: No!
Kid: But mom, I'm 18 years old!
Mom: I know John, I know..

------
That horrible moment,
wHen THe TeacHers pick THe
Partners for you.
------
I'm going to take a
[hot shower]
it's like a normal shower,
but with me in it

----
When helping your best friend get over a break up...
* Do not tell her that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say,
“BUT I DON’T WANT A FISH. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM BACK. WAHHHHHH.”
Then you’re a socially awkward penguin.
* Do not tell her that he was stupid for leaving her.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say,
“I WAS STUPID FOR LOVING HIM. WAHHHH.”
Then you’re again, socially awkward penguin.
* Do not tell her that he didn’t deserve her, and that she was too good.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say,
“IF I’M SO GOOD, WHY DID HE BREAK UP WITH ME. WAAAAAAH.”
Then you’re socially awkward penguin.
What you do is, you say,
“B*TCH. GET THE F*CK UP. WE’RE GOING TO WAL-MART. WE ARE BUYING A GALLON OF ICE CREAM FOR YOUR MOPEY ASS, AND YOU’RE GOING TO CRY. ALL F*CKING NIGHT. YOU WILL WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING. WE ARE BURNING ALL HIS SH*T. ALL OF IT. WE’LL GO SHOPPING, AND BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL B*TCHES ON THE PLANET.”
She can’t be a smartass,
and you are no longer caught in a socially awkward situation.
You are not a penguin,
you are practically jesus.
------
When guys get jealous
it's kinda cute (':
When girls get jealous
World war III is about to start.
------
Based on psychologic study,

a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in
love.
------
When I grow up,
I want a son first, then a daughter;
So my son would beat up any boy that makes my little girl cry.♥
------
Today in my biology class we were talking about hurricane Katrina.
My teacher asked this really ty girl what some of the effects
of the hurricane were, and she replied, "well everything got all wet and dirty."
Suddenly the quietest guy in class looks up and goes,
"Kate, no one asked about your weekend."
------
When a girl says "whatever",
she really means;
I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark,and then eaten by it.
------
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about global warming.
Karma's a b*tch
♥theTitanic.
------
I swear he's cute, hold on . . .
LET ME FIND A BETTER PICTURE 
------
how awesome would be playing
hide-n-go seek
in your whole school♥♥♥
------
sitting in the cinema ready to watch a movie then
BOOM
HUMAN GIRAFFE SITS INFRONT OF YOU
------
If a boy cries over a girl.
She must be a pretty legit sandwich maker.
------
Am I the only one that always..
feels like i look prettier at
home than
i do at school? ♥ ♥
------
this Halloween
i'm dressing all in red
and trick-or-treating at 4 PM
so i can say
"im your period, and i came early."
------
my friend was talking to a guy on the INTERNET WHO STARTED
threatening that he would come to her house and hurt her
she has 3 little brothers, ♥
all of whom slept on her floor and outside her door for a week with nerf guns and water guns to make sure their big sister feels safe
------
L'oreal Kids
Fish shaped shampoo bottle
Never got my mom to let me buy it
------
Girls want a lot of things from one guy;
&& guys want one thing from a lot of girls
------
That awkward moment when,
E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E.
is asking you
"What's the matter?"
and you are seriously fine.
------
choking on a drink,
then drinking it again to unchoke
------
Me and my boyfriend got in a fight,
And it got to the point that i was crying.
I was at my friends house, and her
brother walked in and saw me. he said:
"if it's a boy, then i'm sorry half my gender sucks.."
and then gave me a hug. <3
------
And Who Else
--> wants a  best friend
So he can tell you that you
look fabulous.
------
The most popular guy in my school is in my Spanish class...
out of the middle of nowhere he starts hysterically crying
my teacher asks him what's wrong and he held up his phone and said, "My Daddy is coming home!"
His dad has been fighting in Iraq for 10 years...
He's 16.
I have so much respect for him now
------
Alarm Clocks;
because every morning should start with a nice heart attack.
------
"Dude!"
"She just said you have no fashion sense!"
"Oh Hell No!"
"Hold My Crocs!"
------
when i was little,
i used to pretend i was asleep
to get carried inside 
------
that awkward moment when
your teacher says partner up,
and you realize you have no friends.
------
I wish there was a
Build-a-Boyfriend
------
-Dude, he just called you Asian..
--Oh hell naaah. Hold my ipod!
-what does an ipod have to do with you being Asian?
--well, what did you want me to say?
-I don't know, hold my fortune cookie?
--you racist ..
------
when you're home alone
and someone knocks on the door:
2% - shout "who is it?"
10% -answer the door
88% - stop everything you're doing
and stay completely still without
making a noise hoping its not a
pedo that'll smash the door down
and come rape you.
------
ABCDEFG Gummy bears are chasing me
One is green, One is blue
One is peeing on me shoe
Now I'm running for my life
Cause the red one has a knife
------
Dear Teacher,

If the bell doesn't dismiss me,
then the bell doesn't decide
when I arrive either (:
------
Hi.
I'm a teenager
& I speak 3 languages:
English,
Sarcasm,
& Swearing.
------
*belly tops, flip flops*
lemonade, in the shade.
blue skies, hot guys
late nights, water fights
ice cream, sweet dreams
vathing suits, shooting hoops
party time, school's out
sleeping in and sneaking out
summer eleven; let it begin
ahaha ^^
------
hmmm...he looks suspicious...
*locks car door*
------
Sitting in class »
wondering "how the hell,
the teacher got the job.
------
Pssh...I don't hate you,
I just don't exactly
appreciate your existence .
------
Some people were dropped when they were babies
I just think you were thrown at a wall.
------
THE AWKWARD MOMENT
WHEN TWO PEDOPHILES TALK TO EACHOTHER ON FACEBOOK PRETENDING TO BE KIDS, AND MEET UP SOMEWHERE.
------
4xy-5x+2b=b2-2/6xy
f*ck it. im gonna be a stripper.
------
Why is it that if a guy does football, then he is manly, but if he does cheerleading, then he is ?
Think about it...
Guys who play football run around in tights trying to jump on top of each other.
However, guys who do cheerleading get to practice in sweats, while they hold girls up in the air and get to look up their skirts.
Now, which sounds more ?
------
It's not that I hate you,
it's like, uh, let's put it this way:
if you were on fire and I had water,
I would probably drink the water.
------
my teacher pointed at me with his ruler & said
"at the end of this ruler is an idiot!"
i got detention after i asked him which end he was referring too
------
CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!
Message Sent.
Kill me now.
------
TODAY,
I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks.
I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana.
She said no; she liked to wear these socks,
because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked.
I love this kid
------
THERE IS ALWAYS THAT ONE FREAKY GIRL IN YOUR GRADE THAT'S OBSESSED WITH HORSES♥
------
& who else adds that little pointless arrow - telling your teacher to
flip the page over
------
I'm suspended from school for 3 months
A few weeks ago, my best friend's mom was diagnosed with
cancer
She cried on my shoulder in the middle of a hallway full of people
asking "Who did it"
One of the popular kids walked up to her and said
"get over it"
I've never hit anyone harder
------
Girls go to college to get more knowledge.
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupid-er.
------
Who else remembers;
"Does your mom wanna talk to my mom?"
------
I Hate It How Your Nice
To The Weird Kid
& Then BOOM. Stalked For Life.
------
Looking at the clock when
your home from school, sick,
and thinking;
"I'm in ____ class right now."
------
'don't let the door hit you on the way  out' 
hell,
who am i kidding,
i hope you fall down the f●●king stairs too .
------
Apple=Vitamin.
Vitamin=Strength.
Strength=Power.
Power=Money.
Money=Girls.
Girls=Sex.
Sex=Aids.
Aids=Death.
So who wants an apple? ;]
------
That Awkward Moment
when a guy accidently hits your   boob
------
"Don't be such a girl!!"
Okay, let me go magically grow a  for you.
------
not trying to impress you, but...
i can blink with both eyes at the same time.
------
"Youre homework took 3 hours?"
*Well Dad...I think you're forgetting that i own a
cellphone and i was right next to the computer. And i have the attention span of  a monkey*    
.  .  .
Uhmm yeah.
------
I swear it's like you obtain god-like reflexes when your phone is about to fall.
------
You can honestly suck my non-existing d!ck
------
If a tomatoe is a fruit , ;;;;;
then isn't ketchup technically a smoothie? ♥
------
Oh so you like my Best friend?
[Awesome ]
I've only liked you for
Three years ...
------
"Can I have a sip?"
"Sure."
*GLUG GLUG GLUG*
"Dude, what the hell?!"
------
when i die, im gonna
become a ghost and watch attractive people shower
------
Teacher: We will be working in partners today.
*Makes eye contact with best friend*
Teacher: And I have picked them for you.
Everybody: UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
------
If you tickle me
I'm not responsible for your injuries.
------
That exciting moment
when you turn right to
the right page
in your textbook.
------
I don't know how...
People can laugh in photos and still look pretty..
I look like an awkward horse
------
as i walk down a hallway it's like
hate her,
hate her,
she's a hoe,
she spread a rumor about me,
hate her,
cute outfit,
don't know her, 
awkward couple,
hate her,
FINALLY A FRIEND OF MINE!!!
------
THE AWKWARD MOMENT
When you're spinning in a spinney chair, & it tips over
------
THE AWKWARD MOMENT
When the internet isn't working, & you genuinely don't know what to do with your life anymore ..
------
When someone who's skinnier than you says "I'm so fat"
and you stand there like,
"..."
------
My dad refers to the Jersey Shore Cast as,
"The Orange People."
------
I'm so hot
you'll probably
catch a tan
when your around me
------
No, I'm Not
Stalking You...
By the way you're out of milk.... ♥
------
Person: "Hola! Como estas?"
Spanish dude: *speaks mad fast spanish*
Person: "Dude, chill!
Dora didnt teach me that yet!"
------
I like your last name
can I have it?
------
No need for a long introduction 
I’ve read about girls like you
on the back of restroom doors
------
Boy and girl just had sex.
Girl; Ever met someone as hot as me in bed?
Boy; Uhm, yeah. Just one.
Girl; Oh...):
Boy; Yeah. She's got the same hair color.
Girl; ...
Boy; Same last name. Lives at this address.
Looks a lot like you!
Girl; Aww! That's so swee--
Boy; Yeah, your mom's awesome.
------
Best friends;
You fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt.
You cry, I cry.
You jump off a bridge;
I get in a paddle boat and save your stupid ass.
------
Every teenager, has tried to fit
their fat asses on a baby swing.♥
------
I LOVE SLEEPING
but I never want to go to bed early. :)
------
Those memories that you randomly remember
& then can't stop smiling.
------
Oh hey life,
sorry I couldn't see
you behind all that school
------
Today,
a boy came in class wearing a pink T-shirt. A jock starts making fun of him.
The jock says, "Why the he11 would you own that shirt?"
The boy says,
"I don't, it's your girlfriends."
------
when I was little...
I used to think that the moon followed my car.
------
Everyone knows the quote that says;
"If your parents accuse you of lying, look at them and say 'tooth fairy, santa, easter bunny..'"
Well, I got in trouble for lying, so i used that ^
And  they  responded  with..
"Every parent says that"
Being the smart ass i am , i replyed with;
If every parent jumped off a bridge, would you?"
IM  NOT  IN  TROUBLE  ANYMORE.
------
I wish you could Google any thing. You could search like,
"Where the f●●k is my cell phone ?" and it would be
like, "It's under the couch dumb ass."
------
lol at those 10 year old girls with the Juicy Couture sweatsuits and cell phones that says OMG and LOL every 5 seconds and think that saying "Crap" makes them cool, make you laugh.
------
Remember When  We Were Little
we would  say
"Do you like him, or do  you
'LIKE-LIKE' him?"
------
Black people started wearing
their pants down low, white people called this "s aggin"
spell saggin backwards those  sneaky white people... (;
------
The people in 1910 probably thought in 2010
we would have flying cars and robots... but no.
So far, all we've come up with is
backwards robes and
rubber bands shaped like animals.
------
i just realized that London Tipton is based off of Paris Hilton
------
"awhh. you have grown so much! i remember when you were just a little babyy!"
"who the hell are you!?"
------
Dude, she just called you deaf
"WHAT! ?"
She   called   you   deaf
"what!?"
SHE   CALLED   YOU   DEAF!
"OH   HELL   NO,
My Names Not Beth!"
------
Has anyone else
ever seen the show
"are you smarter than a 5th grader"
and thought...
"what kind of 5th grader knows that sh●t!?"
------
Typing 'lol' when your face
shows less expression than
a brick.
------
daughter-mommy, mommy! i got 5$!
Mom-Well how did you get that?
Daughter: Tommy said if i show him how i do my cartwheels while he sits up in his tree house he will give me 5$!
Mom-honey thats only because he can look at your underwear! Dont take anymore money from him!
*Next Day!*
Daughter- Mommy, mommy, i got 10$ from tommy
*mom looks disapionted*
Daughter:But mommy, its okay! i tricked tommy :) i did not wear my underwear
------
does anyone else,
remember that monkey with
three eyes,
who popped up on nickelodeon
& said
"hi, i'm Paul"
------
Pulling up your blanket & accidently punching yourself in the face.
------
Checking you're phone to see what time it is and checking it again because the first time you weren't paying attention.
------
California's  Grass isn't Greener;
It's fake, like the California  Girls.
------
* Throws book at someones face *
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!"
"I facebooked you" :)
------
WE GOTTA GIVE GUYS SOME CREDIT
Because I know if I had to ask a girl to
♥MARRY ME♥
I’d be scared sh*tless.
------
Did you know?
"Smiles" is listed as one of the ingredients on a package of Goldfish crackers.
------
Today, I answered the door to find a high school girl dressed as Taylor Swift. Halfway through saying "Trick or Treat", a boy dressed as Kanye pushed her aside proclaiming how much more Beyonce deserved the candy.
They both got extra candy
------
Gee, thanks pad.
For making that really loud rippy noise when I open you and letting everyone in the bathroom know I have my period
------
When my friend doesn't come to school ;
5% - "I  hope they're okay :/ "
95% -  " THAT HOE HOW
DARE  YOU  LEAVE  ME  ALONE ! "
------
Looking  at  the first question on the test, and thinking,
Wow.
I'm screwed.
------
Your just sitting in class
Nodding your head
When all of a sudden you hear
"Make sure you know that,
It will be on the test."
And your just like
"Wait, what?"
------
"Hey did you ask yet?"
"No, my moms in a bad mood"
------
"STOP!"
"What?"
"...I have a rock in my shoe."
------
Saying something,
Then realizing it sounded
Extremly sexual.
------
Every house
has a smell, except your own.
------
Ah, Facebook Mobile...
or as i like to call it
'WALK N STALK'.♥
------
ThatOneSong
where you rape the replay button.

------
And to think that someday,
Our kids will be saying stuff like,
"iPod? Mom pu-lease nobody uses iPods anymore!"
And,
"Taylor Swift? Who the hell is Taylor Swift?"
------
Dear Miley,
Wow, this is awkward.
You weren't invited...
Sincerely,The USA.
------

What If Condoms Had Sponsors?
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
Kentucky Fried Chicken Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Campbell's Soup Condoms: 'Mmm, 'mmm good.
M&M's Condoms: Melts in your mouth not in your hands
------
♥ Today my mom and I
were in the car and the song
Like a G6 came on.
She listened to a few versus and then
Out of the blue, she started to sing
"Like a cheese stick, Like a cheese stick"
Oh, Mother <3
------
DEAR MATH,
Stop making me find your X
she isn't coming back.
------
"You ask!" "No, you!" "Please just ask!" "Why can't you do it?"
"Fine... Excuse me, can we have some ketchup? "
------
"Dude you're singing the wrong words."♫
"No I'm not, I'm making a remix." ♥
------
&& Does anyone else remember...
that time in 3rd grade when knowing someone's middle name was like knowing their deepest, darkest secret?
------
that awkward moment
when you can't understand what someone is saying even though they've repeated themselves
about 4 times.
------
Middle School:
Your mom's fat.
High School:
Your mom was great in bed last night.
Oh maturity...
------
& who else remembers
how in Drake & Josh,
Josh was obsessed with Oprah. <3
------
"She's better known for the things
that she does on the mattress."
Only Taylor Swift would think of a classy way to call someone a .
------
WHEN YOU SAY
"just kidding"
 
50% of the time, you aren't
------
The excruciating pain you feel,
When you get hit in the boob.
------
Saying:
"I'm almost there "
>>when you actually<<
haven't even left the house.
------
Willow Smith at 70;
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH,
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH,
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH,
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH.

------
Lost your pen, no pen
No pen, no notes
No notes, no study
no study, fail
fail, no diploma
no diploma, no work
no work, no money
no money, no food
no food, you get skinny
skinny, then you get ugly
ugly, no lover
no lover, no marriage
no marriage, no children
no children, alone
alone, depression
depression, sickness
sickness, death
lesson:
Don't loose your pen.
------
that awkward moment..
when the teacher yells at you to stop flirting...
------
Boyfriend:  do you want to?
Girlfriend: idk im kidna nervous.
Boyfriend: dont be
Girlfriend:  but it will be my first time...
Boyfriend:  I  know im happy i can be your first.
Girlfriend: Ok, but im going to be screaming and holding on to you the whole time.
Boyfriend:  The rollercoaster isnt that scary babe!
------
SHUTUP.
your existence piisses me off.
------
The one time when you actually do your homework;
up till 11 just to get it done,
and the teacher doesn't check it
------
when someone says "act natural"
and you strike a pose :)
------
Throwing Spanish words
into your English sentences.

“Madre! I think there’s someone at the door.”

“Pass the salt por favor.”

“When you go to the store buy la leche .”

“Someone answer el telefono!”
------
sitting around at
[ Holiday Dinners ]
& thinking... 
→ DAMN →
my family is messed up
------
3 guys are in a cafe
one says, "I've got the smallest arm in the world!"
another says, "I've got the smallest head in the world!"
last one says, "I've got the smallest d!ck in the world!"
the 3 guys go to Guinness World Records...
first one goes first and returns happy, "I've really got the smallest arm in the world!"
second returns happy too "I've really got the smallest head of the world!"
last one returns angry and screams,
"WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!"
------
It took harry potter 7 long book to catch the bad guy
while it only takes scooby doo 25 minutes.
------
I was talking to a little girl

who was in line for a
Bouncy castle when she asked who i was texting
i said my boyfriend
a dead serious look came on her face
and she said
"Boys are like spiders.
Creepy and gross. At least you can squish a spider. Not a boy though.
I've tried."
------

its funny how;
---->music today,
is about how much a guy wants to
hook up with you.
when all the Beatles wanted to do
was hold your hand<3
------
I hate when part  of
the outfit  I've mentally planned
is in the laundry.
------
& I Sometimes I wish...
my mirror could take pictures
------
--------------------------------------------
Stories that have been told to me:
Looooong time ago
In a land of fluffy ponies
Lived a girl person named cheybear
Lol Cheybear was cool and all but
She didn't have any ponies
All her friends to laugh at the fact of her ponylessness
So, one dark night
Cheybear shaved alllll the ponies till they were smooth
And cause everyome tried to get rid of em
And she didn't have one
She was coooool
The end
~DADDYFASE
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KEEP:
http://i55.tinypic.com/5u4r6d.png
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SAVIN

Stories that have been told to me:
Looooong time ago
In a land of fluffy ponies
Lived a girl person named cheybear
Lol Cheybear was cool and all but
She didn't have any ponies
All her friends to laugh at the fact of her ponylessness
So, one dark night
Cheybear shaved alllll the ponies till they were smooth
And cause everyome tried to get rid of em
And she didn't have one
She was coooool
The end
~DADDYFASE
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MELLOWFELLOW22 IS HOLDING MY DAISIES ARINYA AND TRIOT K


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Monday, April 25, 2011

Miss you ;-;

Chey hey says
Wanna hear my drama storiez from 6th grade
Alice Sewmi says
yes plz
Chey hey says
Okay drama that started everything
So my "friend" brooke went to hawaii or something
and she hated this girl named Janay
so
My friend Aniya
and I
we never talked to janay
but when brooke left
we started to hang with her
and it was so fun
and brooke came back
and saw janay hanging with us and was like
ugh
and janay said
What the fuck is your problem
and brooke like totally stopped
but she would talk about janay behind her back
and then so
one day
i was on the phone with anyia
*aniya
and they were fighting because
My bestest guy friends evar
Andrew and Derian
Made fun of her
but not me and aniya
so
brooke told the principal

Alice Sewmi says
wow
Chey hey says
and the principal asked what derian and andrew said
they called her short fat and ugly
lmao
and
so
they had to not talk to eachother
and aniya and brooke were fighting and here's what happened

Alice Sewmi says
k
Chey hey says
Brooke: Why do you still hang out with them
Aniya: They're are friends too
Brooke: Well they can't make fun of us anymore, or they will get suspended but if we make fun of them
we get suspended too
Aniya: Have you ever noticed Derian and Andrew just joke around with me and chey
and everything got ugly and brooke was saying omg fuck you
you like them better!
[which we did]
and so we werent friends
anymore
so the next day
i was hanging out with aniya and andrew and derian and other peeps
playing basketball
we did every day
and Janay was hangin out with brooke

Alice Sewmi says
mhm
Chey hey says
and we were like wtf
so we called janay over and she said
She's mad at chey becuz she is on 'team aniya'
but janay was like spying
so anyways
a couple days went on
and janay stoped talking to us
and i waz like
omg wtf
so i talked to her and said
whats wrong and she said
Brooke told me what you said
I was like hell nooo
i said nothing
and she said
you said i copied everything about her but brooke stood up for me
and so
before brooke elft

Alice Sewmi says
mhm
Chey hey says
she was making a list
like
what janay copied from her
and brooke said me and ainya made it
so yea
but then janay realized we didn't
and brooke became a loner
who hung out with my other friend alexis
and me derian andrew aniya janay and carina
wait ot carina
but we would make fun of her
and shiz
THAT STARTED EVERYTHING
I have way more stories too
stupid eh?

Alice Sewmi says
wow
Chey hey saysIKR
isnt brooke a dumbasss

Alice Sewmi says
OK
I see
yes
OK

Chey hey says
I have more
Alice Sewmi says
SO I HAVE DRAMA FROM 6th GRADE TOO
Chey hey says
i need to tell you tho
before i forget

Alice Sewmi says
ughh lolkChey hey says
This is about me and derian
/blush

Alice Sewmi sayslolk
Chey hey says
SO
Alice Sewmi says
SO
Chey hey says
Brooke went out with Andrew
lol
then broke up with him
and went out with derian
they lasted until feb.
and the n derian was my bets guy friend
so i asked
lol why did you go out with brooke
he said
ok don't tell but
this was a bey
*bet

Alice Sewmi says
lololol
Chey hey says
my friend bet me to go out with the ugliest girl i know until feb
I LOL'D SO HARD
YOU DO NOT EVEN NO
*KNOW
AHAHAHA
Alice Sewmi says
OMG AHAHAHAHA
WOW
That is so funny (L
(:

Chey hey says
He literally just said
"My friend made a bet with me. Pick the ugliest girl I know and go out with her until feb. So i picked brooke"
i lol
even now
like dude
you dont even know man
Okay but
when i first got my new phone
i texted him and he was like
Do you know anyone who likes me
I said

Alice Sewmi says
lolwow
Chey hey says
omgomg um
Nooo
and he was like
Oh omkay
and we kept talking and shiz

Alice Sewmi says
mhm
Chey hey says
and he randomly brought it up and he said
You're cute
i was lyk
omigod

Alice Sewmi says
omigod
srsly

Chey hey says
yes
not hot
cute

Alice Sewmi says
oh
Chey hey says
which made my life
Alice Sewmi says
well
aww

Chey hey says
because
Alice Sewmi says
nice
Chey hey says
cuter is better
anyways i was like

Alice Sewmi says
mhm
(:

Chey hey says
lol you're just saying that
he said
no you're cute
Alice Sewmi sayslolol aww
lucky butt
Chey hey saysikrrrr
and so
we talked more and more
and one day he called me and said
Okay i have to tell you something
and i was like lolk
Alice Sewmi saysmhmChey hey saysso he said
ok this is kinda embarassing so
after i say it
ima hang up
lolol
so
Alice Sewmi sayslolChey hey saysi said k
He said
okay well in the beginning of 6th garde
I liked you a lot
/beeeeep
he hung u[p
and omg
i was like
Alice Sewmi saysomg
awesome
Chey hey saysDUDE WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TELL ME
GOD DAMMIT
FDSLHNVBJDBK
Alice Sewmi saysAww
Poor Chey ;-;
Chey hey saysyesAlice Sewmi sayswhen did he do that?Chey hey says6th grade
but
Alice Sewmi saysOh okChey hey saysanyways soAlice Sewmi saysI seeChey hey sayswe kept talking
and i told him i liked him
and he kept asking me questions
and lol i was like wtrf
idk why i like you
i jsut do
k
and so
after a while
he kept asking me if i liked him for sure
i kept saying idk
and he kept asking
so i just said
i dont like you anymore
and he was like oh okay
Alice Sewmi sayslol nice. BTW I am texting the guy I have a huge crush on right now lolol I just had to share.Chey hey sayslolk
and then one day
i went to get a book
Alice Sewmi saysmhmChey hey saysand his best friend andrew was like
Chey come here
i was like lol wut
he said
"Derian likes youuuuu"
i was like lol no he doesnt
he said
mhm he told me
and stuff
i was like omg yay
and andrew said
not to tell him
he told me
and derian kept asking me
so i made something up
and then later
Alice Sewmi saysawwChey hey saysOkay this made me year
I adopted my two friends
Melanie and Aniya
and said they were my daughters
and so
Derian one day
well this was the convo
Derian: Go do that
Aniya: You're not my father
Derian: yes i am
so that means
he was married to me
Alice Sewmi says;o
Awesome
Chey hey saysi was like
omg scoreee
but irl i was like
NO WTF
Alice Sewmi saysahaha niceChey hey saysand yea
lol yes
Alice Sewmi saysAhahaChey hey saysand soAlice Sewmi saysI WOULD DO THE SAMEChey hey saysThis right here made my entire year
When we had chill time in our class
Alice Sewmi saysokChey hey sayswe sat close to eachother
we got to pick tables
it was me, aniya, and janay
next to
Derian, andrew and raplh
*ralph
aand so i sent him this leter
a divorce paper
and he so
Alice Sewmi saysahahaChey hey saysIm not signing it
he said that^
and so
Alice Sewmi saysawwwChey hey saysI made him more
and he finally signed one
and i opened it and where he was suppose to write his name
it said
never
Alice Sewmi saysaww

Lucky butt
brb
Chey hey sayskkAlice Sewmi saysback
but awesome
sounds nice (:
Chey hey saysmhm
it goes on
Alice Sewmi saysI have stories similar to that
and oh god
Chey hey saysloolol
listennn
Alice Sewmi saysyou gonna tell me everything? xD
I only have 30 mins!
Chey hey saysYES
I AM
Okay so
then
we had to go on a trip
a camping trip
the whole class for a weel
k
and so
we went
and we started playing this game
Alice Sewmi saysLUCKYChey hey sayslike Alice Sewmi saysmhmChey hey saysyou poke your stomahc
it tickels
a lot
so
we we playing in the ampitheatre
or w/e
and derian attacking me
andrew attacking aniya
and miguel attacking janay
so derian
he was like on top of meee
it was like
um
awk
but yea
Alice Sewmi sayslol you liked it thoughChey hey saysAND HE ALMOST KISSED ME
^
):
Alice Sewmi saysOMG
RLLY
Chey hey saysHE DIDNT
DAMMIT
Alice Sewmi saysaww
damn
;-;
Chey hey saysWHY PLS
vhjgkdfs
Alice Sewmi saysHOW DID HE ALMOST KISS YOU
?
Chey hey sayshe was about to
and then stopped
;p
Alice Sewmi saysoh ;-;Chey hey saysyea
so
Alice Sewmi saysdamnChey hey saysthen we just kept play the game
he there was a huge tv
and i ran behind there
and he attacked mee
but yea
Alice Sewmi saysawwChey hey saysso when we got back to school
he kept playing
AND OMG
ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS EVER
We were playing basketball
and i had the ball
he put his around like around my aist
trying to get the ball
and we both fell
i fell ontop of him
Alice Sewmi saysmhm
aww
Chey hey saysandand
at chuckie cheese
my friends went there lol
Alice Sewmi sayslololkChey hey saysso
we were going down the slide
and someone pushed me like on top of hum
and his lip touched my lip
was was awkward
it yay
*but
you know
Alice Sewmi sayswow
lol
nice
Chey hey saysyeaa
ikr
and
Alice Sewmi saysahhaaChey hey sayslikeAlice Sewmi saysCAN I TELL MY STORIED SOON
I ONLY HAVE 20 MINS
Chey hey saysYES ALMOST DONEAlice Sewmi saysOKChey hey saysokso
at my school
it went up to 6th grade
elementary
and so
we were graduatin
lol fail
um
but
so at out scool
NOBODY hugged or anything
Alice Sewmi sayslolololChey hey sayslike only girlsAlice Sewmi saysmhmChey hey saysbecu
z
friends you know
so we were practicing at this place were gonna grad at
and so
Aniya was like
I dare you to hus derian
*hug
i was like um lolk
ive been on top of him like 3 times
so w/e
and we hugged
and they were like omgg
and so
Alice Sewmi sayswow
aha
Chey hey saysikr
dumbass friends
anyways
so one day
when we were going to P.E
they made ug hug
again
so we did
Alice Sewmi sayslolwowChey hey saysand they said
we didnt 'do it right'
so we had to do it like 7 more times
and they were like
nah you did it right the first time
and so
then
Alice Sewmi saysahaChey hey saysthey made us hug for like
a minute sraight
*straight
it was funny
lol
Alice Sewmi saysahahaChey hey sayswe were just standing there like
um
Alice Sewmi sayscuteChey hey sayscan we let goooAlice Sewmi sayslolololChey hey saysbut yea
and then
ugh
So we were grad right
Alice Sewmi saysomg
another story
k lol
Chey hey saysDERIAN DIDNT GO BECAUSE HE DIDNT GET GOODS GRADESAlice Sewmi saysAWWWChey hey sayshis mom wouldnt let him lolol
and so
Alice Sewmi saysahaahaChey hey sayswe were gonna go to a party palce after we grad
*place
and then
dinner
so it sucks because
i had this plan
at the dinner
i was gonna tell him
i still liekd him
and shit
Alice Sewmi saysaww ;-;Chey hey saysbut he wasnt thereee
;-;
Alice Sewmi saysThat sucks D;Chey hey sayssux2bmeAlice Sewmi saysmhmChey hey saysBUT YOU SEE WHY I LIKE HIM RITE
HE IS CUTE
Alice Sewmi saysYES
I DO
HE SOUNDS HOT
OKSO
Chey hey saysAHAHAHAH
not rly
Alice Sewmi saysLET ME TELL MY STORIESChey hey saysbut
k
but yea
i love him again
;p

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Just to lol

I'm not a NERD.
I just don't want to work at MCDONALDS
when I'm older.
------
Teacher; take off that jacket NOW!!
they are against the rules.
Me; OMG, I am so sorry! is anyone hurt? no? ok.. I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket...off my torso...and slowly freeze to death...
Me; but miss, why are you wearing a jacket ?
teacher: because-

me: EVERYONE GET DOWN SHE'S GOT A JACKET !
*class gets down and screams in fear*

------
Periods late..
//..Haven't had sex..
i must be carrying the next baby Jesus.
------
♥ Can you like;
   i dont know
Go die or some thing?
------
I Wanted to Send You Something Sexy Today, but the Mail Man told me to get out the Mail Box.
------
WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?
ID DO YOU ;D
------
Who would you screw for a Klondike bar?
------
student: hey can I-
teacher: no. ok so you have to multiply...
the class clown has no chance.
------
Me: So, what's the situation?
My mom: Isn't he some guy on that dumb T.V. show you watch?

------
It's almost like you had it planned
like you smiled and shook my hand
and said
"I'm about to screw you over"
------
Me: I was looking at a box of girl scout cookies on my kitchen counter this morning, and thought of you.
Him: No. You saw the box of cookies, but you were already thinking of me.
Me (in my head): Of course I was, too bad you dont know you are right...
------
"Hi, I'm Justin Bieber.
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you'll ever be able to
just by looking at her."
~jbiebz

------
Your on my list of:
THINGS TO DO ;D
------
Roses are red, nuts are brown
[skirts go up, pants go down ]
Body to body, Skin to skin
When it is stiff stick it in
the longer its in, the stronger it gets
it goes in dry, comes out wet
it comes out dripping and it starts to sag
it's not what you think
its a teabag
------
IM26C4U
------
"friends are like bras, close to you heart and always there for support"?
Now that i think about it... My bra
>>>has stabbed me in the back before<<<<
------
Kid: Mom, can I wear a mini-skirt today?
Mom: No!
Kid: Can I wear lipstick?
Mom: No!
Kid: Can I wear high heels?
Mom: No!
Kid: But mom, I'm 18 years old!
Mom: I know John, I know..

------
That horrible moment,
wHen THe TeacHers pick THe
Partners for you.
------
I'm going to take a
[hot shower]
it's like a normal shower,
but with me in it

----
When helping your best friend get over a break up...
* Do not tell her that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say,
“BUT I DON’T WANT A FISH. I WANT HIM. I WANT HIM BACK. WAHHHHHH.”
Then you’re a socially awkward penguin.
* Do not tell her that he was stupid for leaving her.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say,
“I WAS STUPID FOR LOVING HIM. WAHHHH.”
Then you’re again, socially awkward penguin.
* Do not tell her that he didn’t deserve her, and that she was too good.
She’ll be a smartass, she’ll say,
“IF I’M SO GOOD, WHY DID HE BREAK UP WITH ME. WAAAAAAH.”
Then you’re socially awkward penguin.
What you do is, you say,
“B*TCH. GET THE F*CK UP. WE’RE GOING TO WAL-MART. WE ARE BUYING A GALLON OF ICE CREAM FOR YOUR MOPEY ASS, AND YOU’RE GOING TO CRY. ALL F*CKING NIGHT. YOU WILL WAKE UP TOMORROW MORNING. WE ARE BURNING ALL HIS SH*T. ALL OF IT. WE’LL GO SHOPPING, AND BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL B*TCHES ON THE PLANET.”
She can’t be a smartass,
and you are no longer caught in a socially awkward situation.
You are not a penguin,
you are practically jesus.
------
When guys get jealous
it's kinda cute (':
When girls get jealous
World war III is about to start.
------
Based on psychologic study,

a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in
love.
------
When I grow up,
I want a son first, then a daughter;
So my son would beat up any boy that makes my little girl cry.♥
------
Today in my biology class we were talking about hurricane Katrina.
My teacher asked this really ty girl what some of the effects
of the hurricane were, and she replied, "well everything got all wet and dirty."
Suddenly the quietest guy in class looks up and goes,
"Kate, no one asked about your weekend."
------
When a girl says "whatever",
she really means;
I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark,and then eaten by it.
------
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about global warming.
Karma's a b*tch
♥theTitanic.
------
I swear he's cute, hold on . . .
LET ME FIND A BETTER PICTURE 
------
how awesome would be playing
hide-n-go seek
in your whole school♥♥♥
------
sitting in the cinema ready to watch a movie then
BOOM
HUMAN GIRAFFE SITS INFRONT OF YOU
------
If a boy cries over a girl.
She must be a pretty legit sandwich maker.
------
Am I the only one that always..
feels like i look prettier at
home than
i do at school? ♥ ♥
------
this Halloween
i'm dressing all in red
and trick-or-treating at 4 PM
so i can say
"im your period, and i came early."
------
my friend was talking to a guy on the INTERNET WHO STARTED
threatening that he would come to her house and hurt her
she has 3 little brothers, ♥
all of whom slept on her floor and outside her door for a week with nerf guns and water guns to make sure their big sister feels safe
------
L'oreal Kids
Fish shaped shampoo bottle
Never got my mom to let me buy it
------
Girls want a lot of things from one guy;
&& guys want one thing from a lot of girls
------
That awkward moment when,
E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E.
is asking you
"What's the matter?"
and you are seriously fine.
------
choking on a drink,
then drinking it again to unchoke
------
Me and my boyfriend got in a fight,
And it got to the point that i was crying.
I was at my friends house, and her
brother walked in and saw me. he said:
"if it's a boy, then i'm sorry half my gender sucks.."
and then gave me a hug. <3
------
And Who Else
--> wants a  best friend
So he can tell you that you
look fabulous.
------
The most popular guy in my school is in my Spanish class...
out of the middle of nowhere he starts hysterically crying
my teacher asks him what's wrong and he held up his phone and said, "My Daddy is coming home!"
His dad has been fighting in Iraq for 10 years...
He's 16.
I have so much respect for him now
------
Alarm Clocks;
because every morning should start with a nice heart attack.
------
"Dude!"
"She just said you have no fashion sense!"
"Oh Hell No!"
"Hold My Crocs!"
------
when i was little,
i used to pretend i was asleep
to get carried inside 
------
that awkward moment when
your teacher says partner up,
and you realize you have no friends.
------
I wish there was a
Build-a-Boyfriend
------
-Dude, he just called you Asian..
--Oh hell naaah. Hold my ipod!
-what does an ipod have to do with you being Asian?
--well, what did you want me to say?
-I don't know, hold my fortune cookie?
--you racist ..
------
when you're home alone
and someone knocks on the door:
2% - shout "who is it?"
10% -answer the door
88% - stop everything you're doing
and stay completely still without
making a noise hoping its not a
pedo that'll smash the door down
and come rape you.
------
ABCDEFG Gummy bears are chasing me
One is green, One is blue
One is peeing on me shoe
Now I'm running for my life
Cause the red one has a knife
------
Dear Teacher,

If the bell doesn't dismiss me,
then the bell doesn't decide
when I arrive either (:
------
Hi.
I'm a teenager
& I speak 3 languages:
English,
Sarcasm,
& Swearing.
------
*belly tops, flip flops*
lemonade, in the shade.
blue skies, hot guys
late nights, water fights
ice cream, sweet dreams
vathing suits, shooting hoops
party time, school's out
sleeping in and sneaking out
summer eleven; let it begin
ahaha ^^
------
hmmm...he looks suspicious...
*locks car door*
------
Sitting in class »
wondering "how the hell,
the teacher got the job.
------
Pssh...I don't hate you,
I just don't exactly
appreciate your existence .
------
Some people were dropped when they were babies
I just think you were thrown at a wall.
------
THE AWKWARD MOMENT
WHEN TWO PEDOPHILES TALK TO EACHOTHER ON FACEBOOK PRETENDING TO BE KIDS, AND MEET UP SOMEWHERE.
------
4xy-5x+2b=b2-2/6xy
f*ck it. im gonna be a stripper.
------
Why is it that if a guy does football, then he is manly, but if he does cheerleading, then he is ?
Think about it...
Guys who play football run around in tights trying to jump on top of each other.
However, guys who do cheerleading get to practice in sweats, while they hold girls up in the air and get to look up their skirts.
Now, which sounds more ?
------
It's not that I hate you,
it's like, uh, let's put it this way:
if you were on fire and I had water,
I would probably drink the water.
------
my teacher pointed at me with his ruler & said
"at the end of this ruler is an idiot!"
i got detention after i asked him which end he was referring too
------
CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!
Message Sent.
Kill me now.
------
TODAY,
I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks.
I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana.
She said no; she liked to wear these socks,
because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked.
I love this kid
------
THERE IS ALWAYS THAT ONE FREAKY GIRL IN YOUR GRADE THAT'S OBSESSED WITH HORSES♥
------
& who else adds that little pointless arrow - telling your teacher to
flip the page over
------
I'm suspended from school for 3 months
A few weeks ago, my best friend's mom was diagnosed with
cancer
She cried on my shoulder in the middle of a hallway full of people
asking "Who did it"
One of the popular kids walked up to her and said
"get over it"
I've never hit anyone harder
------
Girls go to college to get more knowledge.
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupid-er.
------
Who else remembers;
"Does your mom wanna talk to my mom?"
------
I Hate It How Your Nice
To The Weird Kid
& Then BOOM. Stalked For Life.
------
Looking at the clock when
your home from school, sick,
and thinking;
"I'm in ____ class right now."
------
'don't let the door hit you on the way  out' 
hell,
who am i kidding,
i hope you fall down the f●●king stairs too .
------
Apple=Vitamin.
Vitamin=Strength.
Strength=Power.
Power=Money.
Money=Girls.
Girls=Sex.
Sex=Aids.
Aids=Death.
So who wants an apple? ;]
------
That Awkward Moment
when a guy accidently hits your   boob
------
"Don't be such a girl!!"
Okay, let me go magically grow a  for you.
------
not trying to impress you, but...
i can blink with both eyes at the same time.
------
"Youre homework took 3 hours?"
*Well Dad...I think you're forgetting that i own a
cellphone and i was right next to the computer. And i have the attention span of  a monkey*    
.  .  .
Uhmm yeah.
------
I swear it's like you obtain god-like reflexes when your phone is about to fall.
------
You can honestly suck my non-existing d!ck
------
If a tomatoe is a fruit , ;;;;;
then isn't ketchup technically a smoothie? ♥
------
Oh so you like my Best friend?
[Awesome ]
I've only liked you for
Three years ...
------
"Can I have a sip?"
"Sure."
*GLUG GLUG GLUG*
"Dude, what the hell?!"
------
when i die, im gonna
become a ghost and watch attractive people shower
------
Teacher: We will be working in partners today.
*Makes eye contact with best friend*
Teacher: And I have picked them for you.
Everybody: UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
------
If you tickle me
I'm not responsible for your injuries.
------
That exciting moment
when you turn right to
the right page
in your textbook.
------
I don't know how...
People can laugh in photos and still look pretty..
I look like an awkward horse
------
as i walk down a hallway it's like
hate her,
hate her,
she's a hoe,
she spread a rumor about me,
hate her,
cute outfit,
don't know her, 
awkward couple,
hate her,
FINALLY A FRIEND OF MINE!!!
------
THE AWKWARD MOMENT
When you're spinning in a spinney chair, & it tips over
------
THE AWKWARD MOMENT
When the internet isn't working, & you genuinely don't know what to do with your life anymore ..
------
When someone who's skinnier than you says "I'm so fat"
and you stand there like,
"..."
------
My dad refers to the Jersey Shore Cast as,
"The Orange People."
------
I'm so hot
you'll probably
catch a tan
when your around me
------
No, I'm Not
Stalking You...
By the way you're out of milk.... ♥
------
Person: "Hola! Como estas?"
Spanish dude: *speaks mad fast spanish*
Person: "Dude, chill!
Dora didnt teach me that yet!"
------
I like your last name
can I have it?
------
No need for a long introduction 
I’ve read about girls like you
on the back of restroom doors
------
Boy and girl just had sex.
Girl; Ever met someone as hot as me in bed?
Boy; Uhm, yeah. Just one.
Girl; Oh...):
Boy; Yeah. She's got the same hair color.
Girl; ...
Boy; Same last name. Lives at this address.
Looks a lot like you!
Girl; Aww! That's so swee--
Boy; Yeah, your mom's awesome.
------
Best friends;
You fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt.
You cry, I cry.
You jump off a bridge;
I get in a paddle boat and save your stupid ass.
------
Every teenager, has tried to fit
their fat asses on a baby swing.♥
------
I LOVE SLEEPING
but I never want to go to bed early. :)
------
Those memories that you randomly remember
& then can't stop smiling.
------
Oh hey life,
sorry I couldn't see
you behind all that school
------
Today,
a boy came in class wearing a pink T-shirt. A jock starts making fun of him.
The jock says, "Why the he11 would you own that shirt?"
The boy says,
"I don't, it's your girlfriends."
------
when I was little...
I used to think that the moon followed my car.
------
Everyone knows the quote that says;
"If your parents accuse you of lying, look at them and say 'tooth fairy, santa, easter bunny..'"
Well, I got in trouble for lying, so i used that ^
And  they  responded  with..
"Every parent says that"
Being the smart ass i am , i replyed with;
If every parent jumped off a bridge, would you?"
IM  NOT  IN  TROUBLE  ANYMORE.
------
I wish you could Google any thing. You could search like,
"Where the f●●k is my cell phone ?" and it would be
like, "It's under the couch dumb ass."
------
lol at those 10 year old girls with the Juicy Couture sweatsuits and cell phones that says OMG and LOL every 5 seconds and think that saying "Crap" makes them cool, make you laugh.
------
Remember When  We Were Little
we would  say
"Do you like him, or do  you
'LIKE-LIKE' him?"
------
Black people started wearing
their pants down low, white people called this "s aggin"
spell saggin backwards those  sneaky white people... (;
------
The people in 1910 probably thought in 2010
we would have flying cars and robots... but no.
So far, all we've come up with is
backwards robes and
rubber bands shaped like animals.
------
i just realized that London Tipton is based off of Paris Hilton
------
"awhh. you have grown so much! i remember when you were just a little babyy!"
"who the hell are you!?"
------
Dude, she just called you deaf
"WHAT! ?"
She   called   you   deaf
"what!?"
SHE   CALLED   YOU   DEAF!
"OH   HELL   NO,
My Names Not Beth!"
------
Has anyone else
ever seen the show
"are you smarter than a 5th grader"
and thought...
"what kind of 5th grader knows that sh●t!?"
------
Typing 'lol' when your face
shows less expression than
a brick.
------
daughter-mommy, mommy! i got 5$!
Mom-Well how did you get that?
Daughter: Tommy said if i show him how i do my cartwheels while he sits up in his tree house he will give me 5$!
Mom-honey thats only because he can look at your underwear! Dont take anymore money from him!
*Next Day!*
Daughter- Mommy, mommy, i got 10$ from tommy
*mom looks disapionted*
Daughter:But mommy, its okay! i tricked tommy :) i did not wear my underwear
------
does anyone else,
remember that monkey with
three eyes,
who popped up on nickelodeon
& said
"hi, i'm Paul"
------
Pulling up your blanket & accidently punching yourself in the face.
------
Checking you're phone to see what time it is and checking it again because the first time you weren't paying attention.
------
California's  Grass isn't Greener;
It's fake, like the California  Girls.
------
* Throws book at someones face *
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!"
"I facebooked you" :)
------
WE GOTTA GIVE GUYS SOME CREDIT
Because I know if I had to ask a girl to
♥MARRY ME♥
I’d be scared sh*tless.
------
Did you know?
"Smiles" is listed as one of the ingredients on a package of Goldfish crackers.
------
Today, I answered the door to find a high school girl dressed as Taylor Swift. Halfway through saying "Trick or Treat", a boy dressed as Kanye pushed her aside proclaiming how much more Beyonce deserved the candy.
They both got extra candy
------
Gee, thanks pad.
For making that really loud rippy noise when I open you and letting everyone in the bathroom know I have my period
------
When my friend doesn't come to school ;
5% - "I  hope they're okay :/ "
95% -  " THAT HOE HOW
DARE  YOU  LEAVE  ME  ALONE ! "
------
Looking  at  the first question on the test, and thinking,
Wow.
I'm screwed.
------
Your just sitting in class
Nodding your head
When all of a sudden you hear
"Make sure you know that,
It will be on the test."
And your just like
"Wait, what?"
------
"Hey did you ask yet?"
"No, my moms in a bad mood"
------
"STOP!"
"What?"
"...I have a rock in my shoe."
------
Saying something,
Then realizing it sounded
Extremly sexual.
------
Every house
has a smell, except your own.
------
Ah, Facebook Mobile...
or as i like to call it
'WALK N STALK'.♥
------
ThatOneSong
where you rape the replay button.

------
And to think that someday,
Our kids will be saying stuff like,
"iPod? Mom pu-lease nobody uses iPods anymore!"
And,
"Taylor Swift? Who the hell is Taylor Swift?"
------
Dear Miley,
Wow, this is awkward.
You weren't invited...
Sincerely,The USA.
------

What If Condoms Had Sponsors?
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
Kentucky Fried Chicken Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Campbell's Soup Condoms: 'Mmm, 'mmm good.
M&M's Condoms: Melts in your mouth not in your hands
------
♥ Today my mom and I
were in the car and the song
Like a G6 came on.
She listened to a few versus and then
Out of the blue, she started to sing
"Like a cheese stick, Like a cheese stick"
Oh, Mother <3
------
DEAR MATH,
Stop making me find your X
she isn't coming back.
------
"You ask!" "No, you!" "Please just ask!" "Why can't you do it?"
"Fine... Excuse me, can we have some ketchup? "
------
"Dude you're singing the wrong words."♫
"No I'm not, I'm making a remix." ♥
------
&& Does anyone else remember...
that time in 3rd grade when knowing someone's middle name was like knowing their deepest, darkest secret?
------
that awkward moment
when you can't understand what someone is saying even though they've repeated themselves
about 4 times.
------
Middle School:
Your mom's fat.
High School:
Your mom was great in bed last night.
Oh maturity...
------
& who else remembers
how in Drake & Josh,
Josh was obsessed with Oprah. <3
------
"She's better known for the things
that she does on the mattress."
Only Taylor Swift would think of a classy way to call someone a .
------
WHEN YOU SAY
"just kidding"
 
50% of the time, you aren't
------
The excruciating pain you feel,
When you get hit in the boob.
------
Saying:
"I'm almost there "
>>when you actually<<
haven't even left the house.
------
Willow Smith at 70;
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH,
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH,
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH,
I ROCK MAH CHAIR BACK AND FORTH.

------
Lost your pen, no pen
No pen, no notes
No notes, no study
no study, fail
fail, no diploma
no diploma, no work
no work, no money
no money, no food
no food, you get skinny
skinny, then you get ugly
ugly, no lover
no lover, no marriage
no marriage, no children
no children, alone
alone, depression
depression, sickness
sickness, death
lesson:
Don't loose your pen.
------
that awkward moment..
when the teacher yells at you to stop flirting...
------
Boyfriend:  do you want to?
Girlfriend: idk im kidna nervous.
Boyfriend: dont be
Girlfriend:  but it will be my first time...
Boyfriend:  I  know im happy i can be your first.
Girlfriend: Ok, but im going to be screaming and holding on to you the whole time.
Boyfriend:  The rollercoaster isnt that scary babe!
------
SHUTUP.
your existence piisses me off.
------
The one time when you actually do your homework;
up till 11 just to get it done,
and the teacher doesn't check it
------
when someone says "act natural"
and you strike a pose :)
------
Throwing Spanish words
into your English sentences.

“Madre! I think there’s someone at the door.”

“Pass the salt por favor.”

“When you go to the store buy la leche .”

“Someone answer el telefono!”
------
sitting around at
[ Holiday Dinners ]
& thinking... 
→ DAMN →
my family is messed up
------
3 guys are in a cafe
one says, "I've got the smallest arm in the world!"
another says, "I've got the smallest head in the world!"
last one says, "I've got the smallest d!ck in the world!"
the 3 guys go to Guinness World Records...
first one goes first and returns happy, "I've really got the smallest arm in the world!"
second returns happy too "I've really got the smallest head of the world!"
last one returns angry and screams,
"WHO THE HELL IS JUSTIN BIEBER?!"
------
It took harry potter 7 long book to catch the bad guy
while it only takes scooby doo 25 minutes.
------
I was talking to a little girl

who was in line for a
Bouncy castle when she asked who i was texting
i said my boyfriend
a dead serious look came on her face
and she said
"Boys are like spiders.
Creepy and gross. At least you can squish a spider. Not a boy though.
I've tried."
------

its funny how;
---->music today,
is about how much a guy wants to
hook up with you.
when all the Beatles wanted to do
was hold your hand<3
------
I hate when part  of
the outfit  I've mentally planned
is in the laundry.
------
& I Sometimes I wish...
my mirror could take pictures
------